I struggle just like anyone else with the concept of “winning”… I’m competitive enough with others and with myself to put quite a bit of importance on that idea of being at the top or in the front or wearing the gold.
It isn’t one of my better qualities: it gets in my way a lot.
That said; I’ve come to understand this is something I do, and like living with diabetes, it is easier for me to learn to strategize and cope rather than fight every day.
Some ways I’ve come to learn to cope with not being the best/ fastest / smartest / kindest /most popular /prettiest/ funniest/ healthiest/ most graceful at everything I ever do or try:
Re-define what “winning” is. When it comes to diabetes, this one is a lot like removing judgments from blood glucose readings. If you can think of a different goal than “finishing first” or “highest score” or “80-120 all the time” (none of which I believe to be possible for the overwhelming majority of us on any kind of consistent long-term basis), and organize your thinking with that new goal in mind, you are well on your way.
Be realistic in your own criticisms. Sure, we can be fairly hard on ourselves and sometimes that is warranted. But a lot of the time it only serves to delay our progress by weighing on our psyches. If you really are trying to improve your time or achieve some similar objective goal, you are going to need to clock your progress and really see how you are objectively doing. If it isn’t an objective goal, be as honest as possible with yourself and kindly evaluate yourself now versus yourself a year ago, or in whatever time frame is reasonable. It’s essential that you evaluate your positive AND negative progress, and evaluate both without harsh or hateful words directed inward.
Keep the true end goal in mind all the time. If you want to accomplish a specific goal like acing a test or losing 20 pounds or what have you, you need to also look beyond that stated goal. Are you trying to ace the test so that you feel smart? Are you trying to lose weight to bring down your blood pressure? If these end goals are the real thing, then it is sometimes easier to achieve those than the stated specific goal.
If you only got 89% and wanted to get 90% on that test, you could absolutely be a winner because you learned the material and actually were smarter than before, even with missing an answer.
It’s all relative, and it’s all pretty transitory. What sticks with us are our feelings about ourselves and our own worth.
I say 100% winner, 100% of the time.
